My Teacher Ate My Homework

My teacher ate my homework.
I'm aware it's rather odd.
She sniffed at it and smiled
with an approving sort of nod.

She took a little nibble --
it's unusual, but true --
then had a somewhat larger bite
and gave a thoughtful chew.

I think she must have liked it,
for she really went to town.
She gobbled it with gusto
and she wolfed the whole thing down.

She licked off all her fingers,
gave a burp and said, "You pass."
I guess that's how they grade you
when you take a cooking class.
--Kenn Nesbitt

a heart of stone. "[T]he stone was shaped like a heart, an ice-cold heart of stone that could outlive everyone without beating even once. It would still be there when everyone underneath it was long forgotten."

I almost teared while reading this novel on the bus.

no one favours his right hand more than his left one. thus a lil publicity for my left hand: ..::s.i.m.p.l.i.c.i.t.y::..`

Missed ops groove cuz migraine attacked again. They've been regulars nowadays. And frequent attacks as these never fail to cuz my mind to wander, wondering if I've gotten a tumor.

Managed to install a special font for viewing phonetic symbols, in a frantic attempt to prove me no technophobe.

Went to study with shyan at a cafe, 6th avenue. Al fungi. Yumms. Managed some readings and started on a novel. A Heart Of Stone. Learnt in lit lessons that it's proper to either italicise or underline titles of books when quoting them. So happy to be able to read novels again. Not lit text nor uninteresting readings. Not research materials nor dense chinese history.

Hadn't had time to post for the past few days. Have been sleeping out. Mark commented me juvenile delinquent. Heh. Was studying and doing project presentation. Presentation went smoothly, though I doubt the depth of our analysis. But it's all over and I'm glad.

Of thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if I'm right, though I feel strongly so. I could have closed one eye and shut up; blindly follow. But thoughts impressed upon me too strongly I couldn't cast them aside. And I wonder if I should press on. If so, with what intensity? Like fighting a battle or playing diplomacy.

Let God judge; hearts and mind
Lest I'll defend myself senile.

Of laptops, revised.

My bro's not getting me a laptop. Nope, we've decided to get the loan instead, and I have to faithfully give him 500 bucks every 6 months. So he's still an in-house loanshark.

I just want to study.

The truth is, I'm not rich. My family isn't doing well financially and I'm on loan. And I do get envious of those who have their parents to pay off their uni fees, stay in hostel and get laptops. I really want to stay in hostel, because it's unstudy-able at home (I can't seem to be able to emphasize this enough and no one gets my point cuz no one stays in my house). And only this sem did I realise how much convenience a laptop can bring. My simple wish this coming year is to be able to earn enough money to stay in hostel and get a laptop. I only want to study. Why is it so hard.

patience.

The faded word on my palm, of black ink and fancy. I've always thought that I'm quite a patient person. Little did I expect God to be moulding me in this area. In an environment where couples are everywhere, people talk about marriage every other week, there's a continual realisation that I'm no longer a teen, and there's even an established unit trying to tie knots, I need more patience. To wait and trust.

Of laptops.

Yay. My bro's buying me a laptop! Er. Or rather, he's gonna be my in-house loanshark. Heh. I gotta pay him back the money in instalments. But nonetheless, woot. And scallop, funny guy, bought me sth for my bday. Let me recap our conversation on msn.

joel: mon ur birthdae ar ?
j`esse: hahha
j`esse: yea man.
j`esse: me got present?
j`esse: lol
joel: dunno lae..
joel: shld u be gettin present ?
j`esse: hahaha
j`esse: i anything one lah.
j`esse: i only want a laptop...
joel: wah.. new tactics rite... make me feel bad .. then wack me for present
joel: hey~
joel: dere is tis IT fair...
j`esse: hahahha
j`esse: really?
joel: maybe u can bring ur cg go tis sun...
joel: then hint is ur birthdae
joel: haha
j`esse: laptop too ex le lah.
j`esse: i'll have to save it up myself.
joel: ^ ^
joel: true ... laptop too ex
joel: but gettin u a mouse still can..
j`esse: lol
j`esse: no laptop need mouse meh?
j`esse: lol
joel: see.. i believe in u..
joel: u can save up enuff de..
j`esse: haha
joel: ..u! jiayou !!
j`esse: yea!
joel: haha

And so, he got me a laptop mouse. Lol. Thanks, I'll need it. haha.

na nu hai dui wo shuo
shuo wo bao hu ta de meng
shuo zhe shi jie
dui ta zhe yang de bu duo
ta jian jian wang le wo
dan shi ta bing bu xiao de
bian ti ling shang de wo
yi tian ye bu zai ai guo

na nu hai dui wo shuo
shuo wo shi yi ge xiao tou
tou ta de hui yi
sai ru wo de nao hai zhong
wo bu xu yao zi you
zhi xiang bei zhe ta de meng
yi bu bu xang qian zou
ta gei de yong yuan bu chong

The past. Subtly yet perhaps fatal. Went to ecp yesterday for night cycling. The sand, the breeze, the stars, the small rocky jettys, the stone benches, even the litter. A burden.



Night cycling was fun, except that the gears for my bike was a lil screwed up, so those who cycled me had to bear with it too. Thanks to qiaoping, yi-shyan, and kenneth (rolls royce). Should have seen kenneth's legs when he cycled at top speed at the end when we're going back to the jetty at ecp. Zoomed past me and qiaoping.

Of esplanade, fort canning and geylang. Of shouting names, snatching sweets and eating supper. Of waiting for supper. Or looking out for traffic. Of seeing fellow night-cyclists. Of watching sunrise. Of leg and buttock aches.

hoo. Managed to pull myself out of bed today in time for morning lecture. Met huili on the bus, and we both figured i'll be slightly late. I was telling her how my lecturer has the tendancy to arrive late to lecture, and was joking that maybe she wouldn't have started when I reached. I got off the bus, and decided to grab something light for breakfast. I went into lecture and she's still setting up her laptop! Yea.

Went for a performance with yi-shyan. Her fren's performing in it, hence some form of obligation. Yunno, I've always sniggered at the thought of SDU. And today, I've actually went for one of the performances they sponsored! Lol. It's sort of a musical, with many songs slotted in-between scenes. I think that the performancers belong to some choir, because they really can sing! And I find my money more well spent than in the XXX production.

Here's an outline of the plot, which I thought was quite fresh. Story started with the female lead, xinyue, talking to her boyfriend, trying to dissuade him from going to US for further studies. Halfway through, a guy crosses the road towards them and got knocked down by a car, and before he died, he kept looking at xinyue.

Xinyue is moving out of her house by the sea, and she is worried that her bf, who hasn't contacted her for two years, might not be able to contact her in case he sends a mail. So, she places a letter inside the mailbox for the new owner, telling him to forward whatever letter he gets from her bf to her.

Kaifeng is the designer for this house by the sea. He fiddles with the mailbox and am surprised to find a letter inside, by xinyue. At kaifeng's era, the house isn't even built, in 2004, yet the letter by xinyue signs off at 2006. So he wrote a reply and placed it inside the mailbox, requesting for the 4D no. for the week. And xinyue gets the letter in 2006. She checked up the 4D no, and asked if he could get back a recorder she lost 2 years ago in esplanade library. He opens the reply, the 4D no matches, and he saw xinyue(2004) at the library playing piano, and got mesmerized by her, and retrieved the recorder she misplaced. So they confirmed that all this isn't a prank.

They started exchanging letters, and when xinyue found out her bf was two-timing her, kaifeng was there to comfort her. So feelings grew and they planned to meet on the 12th feb 06. For her it'll be a week away, but for him, 2 years and a week. hah. On that day they promised to meet, he didn't turn up. She kept waiting for days. Until a designer overseeing a project came along. The designer was kaifeng's fren, and he's overseeing this project left by kf, one meant for xinyue. Apparently kf died 2 years ago in a car accident. Get it? He was the one who died in the first scene. So xinyue was devastated and rushed to the mailbox to send a letter to kf, warning him not to come and look for her, lest getting in the accident. And she thought he died. All these being in the 2006 of xinyue.

Then, time goes back to when xinyue was packing up in her house and writing the letter, kaifeng comes along with a letter, asking her if she has some time to listen to an incredible story. And this, is the 2006 of kaifeng.

So SDUish, but i still enjoyed the play nonetheless.

Am in the computer center in engin faculty. Stayed overnight again with yi-shyan and qiaoping yesterday. Am irritated with the internet connection here. It goes on and off all the time. A shrewd scheme to discourage usage of msn messenger.

Oh yea, I forgot to mention something. My brother gave me a shawl for my birthday! You may think it's so silly that I'm so happy about it. But you must understand. The tradition of giving presents during birthdays has been lost for years. And this is the first present I received from him since... I'm to blame as well. I hadn't been giving him presents as well, until last year, when I got him a card holder which he is using now as a wallet. So, yay, I'll treasure my shawl.

whoever has given me his ribs, OWN UP!

Dad drove me to school cuz I overslept. And on radio the deejay was relating a once-was love story. Of a couple who because of differences broke up in the end, leaving the girl heartbroken and pitiful.

Indeed, it's a blessing to be able to find the person you love loving you in return. But more than that, it's a miracle to be able to find that special person who would tolerate and appreciate our weaknesses, love us unconditionally (if that's possible), and stay faithful to us for the rest of our lives. Like finding a needle in a haystack.

My prayer is for whoever to take marriage seriously.

bureaucracy

Has secretly seeped into every level of society. The curse of democracy. That even such a simple task should be subjected to it. I'm grumbling. A result of piling workload and tight schedule. It has taken up more time than it should have, due to the stupid bureaucratic system is in place. *roars*

Am tired, as well, of initiating and reminding. This is as much my work as it is your work. Show some diligence. I have tons of work to do as well. Everytime I walk pass the library, I envy those people inside -- people with laptops or/and studying. I so wish for peace and quiet. To finish my readings, to write my essays, to catch up with missed lectures, to do lab assignments, blah.

I am so gonna get a laptop.

sex education

There's this recent uproar because of the sex video that is circulating around. A question is raised, "Is the amount of sex education in Singapore sufficient?" The problem with this question is that reduces the whole issue of pre-martial sex to a matter of a lack in sex education. No doubt does sex education play a part in informing teenagers of the dangers of being involved in pre-marital sex. But I feel that a greater role is played, rather, by the media and how it portrays sex.

Sex, as portrayed by the media, is a natural outflow of erotic love. It is no longer something sacred to be preserved until after marriage. It cant be controlled. Of one-night-stands and gunshot marriages. Sex is even portrayed as being cool. The uncool and no-life people are often portrayed as ones with no partners and no sex life. Guys are also portrayed as experienced sex-partners. Inexperienced guys are viewed as unattractive and weak. Guys are expected to know it all. These are the things that teenagers are exposed to every day, through advertisements, drama serials, and films.

There is a need to inform teenagers, and even adults, of the facts involving pre-marital sex. And in this society where values are rapidly changing and morals quickly eroding away, the system in place is not changing fast enough to keep up in step. Teachers don't feel comfortable enough to teach openly. Educators are unsure as to how much they should cover and how deep they should venture into. While waiting for systems to set in place, many teenagers would have suffered for their ignorance and curiosity

Facts about pre-marital sex.
In America, the federal government spends billions of dollars to promote the idea of safe-sex through the use of condoms. At the time they started, there were only two sexually transmitted diseases that were at an epidemic level, and there are now more than 20. One in three Americans over 10 years of age has a sexually transmitted disease. read more
Condoms are not safe. Just type "condoms ineffectiveness" on google search. There's no easy way, and God can't be mocked.

my testimony

Was on the bus with calyn. It was then when I realised that not many people know my testimony of how I came to know God and be in Hope Church. So here is my testimony, a way of remembering how God pursued me and to tell the world of His grace.

Everything dates back to when I was in p5. I was on my way home (with venetia). We were on our way to the mrt station when someone was giving out small booklets. Being kind, haha, I took a copy. Yes, it's those small booklets that relates the gospel and makes one wonder how many people ACTUALLY receive Christ through these booklets. I did. Haha. The young innocent Jessie read the booklet and decided to recite the sinner's prayer at the back of the booklet. So I'm technically a Christian.

A few nights later, during dinner, I told my mum that I wanna attend church. I thank God, on hindsight, that my parents are freethinkers. My mum was agreeable and found me a sunday school to attend. So started my sunday school days. Initially everything was exciting, fun and new. As the months go by, I start to give excuses to miss sunday school. I'm too tired after ballet lessons. It's raining. I'll go next week. When I was in p6, I decided to stop attending it altogether, giving God an excuse that I'll come back to Him when I'm in sec 1.

Of course I forgot about that promise, but God didn't. I've always wanted to get into st. nicks. Their cut-off point for that year was 251, and guess what? I got 250. So because of that one point I got into anderson, a school I've neither heard of nor seen. Two months into school, one day on my way home, I was approached by (how should I address her, a girl?) eelee. Haha. She got me to do a survey and then invited me for service that week. The amazing thing is that should I have gone to st. nicks, she wouldn't have approached me. And she wasn't intending to conduct a survey that day, but only because there's a visitor from a Hope Church overseas and she wanted to show her how we evangelise over here.

So I came service that week and rededicated my life. I was previously an insecure person, and very conscious about how others view me. Hence I'm very quiet, fearing that I may say the wrong thing and embarrass myself. God spoke to me about His unconditional love for me, and that my identity is ultimately a child of Him. I can be secure in Him, for He holds my future, and I need not feel inferior and be overly concerned with how others look at me, for He has created me unique and I should live to please the audience of One.

Many find it hard to believe that I was quiet in the past. I really was so! And God has indeed changed me. I strive, with my humanly efforts empowered by God's strength, to live my life for God. I'm still so, so, so imperfect. But I'll continue to hope in the Lord.

Came home from kap macs. Was studying there with yi-shyan. Our supposed project meeting got cancelled last min, and she was quite pissed off about it. I'm ok with it, since it allowed me time to prepare for lit presentation tml.

Was chatting with michelle on sat night on our way home. Told her my plans of marrying young and having 4 kids -- 3 boys and 1 girl. After that, I went off pondering about it and realised that it's not feasible. Firstly, to marry young means finding a suitable person and blah, which seems ...er... Secondly, to have so many kids means to have financial stability and even more. What's more, the government's decreasing the amount of subsidy given to parents with higher income. ): Maybe I'll remain a spinster all my life. boo.





Currently I'll still psychologically screwed up.

bday

Was quite disappointed that shyan didn't come. Pray that she had a fruitful time studying. And that she'll be able to perform for monday's quiz. My unit people celebrated my bday with me after diinner. Really feel very touched by them, esp. by how xinying and guan took note or found out details about me. And they gave me this adidas watch which must cost alot. Thank my cg members for topping up the money. And thanks rf for your gift. (:

It's been 8 years. Time flies so fast. And all these while God has never failed me. At times when my faith is weak, His hand never failed to reach out to me and guide me back gently. Thank God.

I woke up late today. 12:15pm. Lecture started at 10am. Boo. Subconsciously I thought that the next day is a saturday and so I could afford a few more winks. And so I missed all my lessons today. They're all lectures. Not as bad as it would have been for tutorials. I'm blogging now in qiaoping's room. Sleeping over with her and yi-shyan. It has become a routine every friday. And every time I stay over it deepens within me the urge and desire to stay in hostel. To be able to stay up late to study, late night snacks, independence, shrinkage of travelling hours, and last but not least, a room I can call my own, figuratively speaking.

Am preparing for a mini presentation on mon. Will be doing one on my lit text "Waiting for the Barbarians". I think this book has many more underlying issues waiting to be explored as compared to "Persuasion". And many more metaphors and implications. Have been struggling along for this module because I haven't touched lit since sec 2, after being deeply scarred by Miss Emily Cheng. I think I screwed up my mid-term test as well.

About history. And its linearity versus circularity. This was something the book mentioned. All along, history concerning nature has always been circular. Reproduction cycles, the seasons, day and night, even digestive systems. But in the history of nations, it has always been viewed linearly. It's filled with dates and events, names and titles. Taking a step backwards, nations' history is circular as well. The rise and fall of nations. Hasn't it been so over the past centuries? Yet every nation seek to view its history linearly, trying means and ways to prolong its rule. Have nations really progressed over the years? Or are they simply trapped in the vicious cycle set by the rules of nature?

revival yea.

I failed my english mid-term test. No, I'm not incapable of forming grammatically correct sentences, and yes, I did passed my spelling bee in kindergarten. But no, I didn't know there's negative marking. Failed by one mark. Hope I'll be able to pull up the overall mark during exams. Got back my results for genes and soc too. Was about what I expected when they went through the answers.

Hmmm, had unit 242 today. And before that robert and christine shared about comparative religion. And edwin passed me an apologetics book by josh mcdowell. I really want to spend quality time building up a library of apologetics references.

Have you ever wondered how far your bike can go before breaking down? Test it! Night cycling on 18th March. ;P

yawns. the pace of my life seems too fast for me. of 3 mid-term tests to go, 2 projects, 1 essay, 1 presentation, and tons of readings. I really mean tons. the temptation of escapism.