close my eyes and i feel the protein bulid-up. the strain on my eyes. the double eye-lid appearing on my left eye.


touch my tummy. it's flat. feel the acid inside my tummy. and how i feel hungry.


i yawn. and tears well up. i burp. of the empty stomach i possess. this is me. wad i like to feel when i'm down.





i wanna . d i s s o l v e .






but nonetheless. i'll still be there for you. i'll be strong when i have to.

think i'm going schizo soon. think it's been a long time since i last drank. that's why this kid's size party drink can make me so depressed. maybe because i really am depressed. maybe i need some divine guidance. revelation. on how to get out of this sticky situation.


felt like blurting out a long string of ______________ at the bus-stop just now when i realised it's horribly late and i'm in danger of missing my last bus though there's like 3 buses at that bus-stop that goes home. The forever eating up all our money yet under-budget SBS buses hates me. i know they do. they know what time i'll be at the bus-stop and they set up a plot to stall me and then throws a party when they succeed.


my last bus did appear in the end.


i wonder if i could bathe in wine.


feel like crying.


supposed to go punggol tml again. the teacher-in-charge din inform me of anything tho. i wish i could record my life down. on videocams. wish i could store up all my tears and label their date and cause. wish i could pour acid unto my skin and watch it dissolve the hydrophobic bonds on my tan skin. wonders if i can survive tml. i should count my blessings. another day of peace is a blessing. i wish that a month could pass safely. just one month. just one month...





hope all these is just pms. but i know it's not.

i'm tired. very very tired. *yawns* tired since the retreat ended on monday. surprised that i managed to walk home without falling unto the ground and sleep. for a no. of nights already i fall asleep immediately once my head hits my pillow and i wake up the next day to feel like i haven't slept yet. argh. and my dark rings are getting darker and darkder and darker and darker. doesn't help when i gotta wake up early for work. doesn't help given the nature of my work. *yawns* i wanna cuddle up unto you and fall asleep.


And my pig has been defiled. the pig that i hug to sleep. has been DEFILED! sigh.


And a shout-out to daniel!! I ran all the while during the amusing race and my team came in 3rd!! muahaha. i'm still fit okay.. (nevermind the fact that my whole body's aching now and my tummy hurts when i cough)

i realised.


that i dun have to take mother tongue in fass. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD bye bye cheenese teacher tao lao shi. but. dunno wad i should major in. wanna learn french. but dun think i'll go for the french exchange prog. my bro and i were talking about uni stuff. he's thinking of pursuing computing in nus after working for 2 yrs... hmmm. so he'll be my guarantor now and i'll be his 2 years later when i . r e a c h .....2..1.. (sigh) getting nearer to the big 2.

of the sticky stuck song in my head.


Remember when I was in the grocery store
now's my time
Lost the words,lost my nerve, lost the girl, left the line
I would wish upon a star, but that star, it doesn't shine
So read my book with a boring ending
A short story of a lonely guy


I fell behind


She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone i'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move, cause i'm still just a stupid worthless boy


-story of a lonely guy-


simply adores this song. it's this kinda songs i listen to when i have pms and i can laugh at others for being screwed and take comfort in them. i am evil. falala, falala, falala, falala i fell behind.

of a teacher's day.


Felt like a teacher today. Went for NIE interview. Went pretty smooth.. Den tutored lynda. Den tutored a p6 girl. a new assignment i got. She's really bubbly and easy-going. :) haha. tutoring's not as bad as i thot afterall. think i might end up being a teacher. hhahahahahahaha.

of a rough road home.


went to daniel's house with wyn, debbie and junhuang.. daniel taught me drums.. heehee. very fun.. :) den we left late. pretty late. i missed my last bus. was alone at the bus-stop when 2 indians came along. think they drank alot. could smell the alcohol 1 metre away. maybe they bathed in alcohol. anyway. 1 of them asked me to lend him my phone. not knowing what to do i complied. then my daddy came. safety. :) one of the few times my dad came in handy. haha.

i am determined to maintain a flat tummy.


i wanna exercise.


i dun like the new blushing fren i got on my nose. pokes at it.


i should take things less seriously.


got another interview. go be teacher and screw up the kiddos' minds.


eelee's coming back tomms. dunno wad time can't to fetch her.


i think i can't meet my 30 hrs quota this week.

See screw see. Screw wants to play. Who wants to play with screw? See srewdriver see. Will screwdriver play with screw? See screwdriver turn. Turn screwdriver turn. See how happy screw is. (sigh. a lousy imitation i noe)


*Jumps and stretches out both hands* 'Ta-lah!' This is my screwed-up nus interview.


Saw this documentary, a tribute to former president Wee Kim Wee. really dun remember much about him cuz when he was pres i was baby, kiddo. just remember his face on the big photo frame i see every sun when i go for ballet class in kim kiat community centre. Was impressed by the praises people had for him, how he's humble, approachable; a simple man who has a deep love for people. great guy yea? hope he's a christo.

uh-oh. jesse's a bad girl. *slaps my face* whatever.


work today was pretty enjoyable i must say. cuz i've left with pasting the labels on the books so i have to say that life today was boring but pleasant.


shucks the interview is tomorrow and i haven't gotten my portfolio ready yet. shucks shucks shucks.


i like the smell of rain.
you slit my throat.
i hate the smell of blood.
like judas you kissed me,
took out a part of me.
whatever part that is, i plead,
please keep it well.

the truth is, you silt my throat, and with my last breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.


i need to pray.
god i'm glad i found my certs.
i'm tired.


poor france.
my favourite country.
got invaded by poisonous caterpillars.