tempted to blog some things. decided not to. nonetheless a bit disillusioned.


i don't like to compare youth with uni grp. i dun like to think that i'm comparing these two.


anyway, church level prayer meeting. i asked God to reveal to me a vision and His purpose for me in the uni grp. And God being faithful, He did. And it scared the socks out of me. I remember pastor saying it's natural. God can do immeasureably great things through us. Things we can't even imagine.


Not sure if i should blog it down. i just pray that God will help me adapt to the uni culture (those that do not contradict the Bible), and use me to influence in some other ways. Maybe i would have prefered not to know anything. But now that i do, i can't pretend i don't.

Diary entries that end up in the dump.


Are we sinful and hence we sin? Or do we sin and hence we're sinful? Why is it that i 'fail' myself and 'succumb' to the 'sinful nature' within me? Is there an inherent system within me that takes priority whenever i try to make decisions? Why is it that i know it's right to obey yet i want to rebel? Obedience definitely isn't instinct. If there is really what is known as a sinful nature, then why do i have it? Am i born with it? (Why do i feel like Descartes?) If i am born with it, why is that so? Is it in my genes that i can inherit it? Or is it sort of a curse, traced back all the way to the times of Adam and Eve. The cursed couple who carried the grumbles and complaints of mankind.


Am i borned to be sinful? Wouldn't that be unfair?


Reckon this blog's abandoned by its audience already. Perhaps that would encourage me to blog more freely. It would give me a reason, at the same time, to be more care less with the ugly blogskin.


i'm tired.

revival. To blog or not to blog.


There's a sudden urge to express myself. But then again, how much can one express online? Free speech is idealism. In reality, it is but a fluffed up cushion. Once hugged, it shrinks back to its original size.


if i kissed you


If I kissed you, would fireworks fly? Would angels sing with lollipops, would dinosaurs cry? Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise? If I kissed you.


If I kissed you, what would Michelangelo say? Would he still have sculpted David? Would we be immortalized in clay? Would the poets write of love like ours, would John Donne have his say? If I kissed you.


You could be one in a million, you could be the one for me. But I guess I'll never know if I never try. I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms, and kiss you.


If I kissed you, would you lose track of time? Would you feel a surge of happiness running up your spine? Would you run naked in the street with a tattoo of my name on your behind? If I kissed you.


corrinne may -- if i kissed you.


Songs. They express thoughts and emotions while inducing some more at the same time. At times they induce nostalgia, at times they induce desire. Sometimes they cheer you up, sometimes they make you dull. Songs. They influence. Music and words are powerful. Created by God and abused by the devil. This influence is subtle. Funny how i am aware of this influence, yet continue to indulge in song and music. hmmm.


Thought i'm all grown-up. Still, i'm that naughty little girl, who refuses to sleep until her tired eyes refuse to open. Who dislikes homework and all boring routines. Ponder occassionally upon what malaysian calls "Hollywood (Romantic) Moments". Wonder when a tall dark sauve young man would come riding a white horse and dash into the lecture theatre and save me from boring chinese phonetics. Silly little girl. No one's gonna fend for you in this complicated capitalist society. No horses allowed outside turf clubs and zoos, anyway.


I shall write until my hands fail me. Come tommorrow, the sun will shine reality once again straight in my face. I will then brace myself up. Just enough to last through the day.


What a melochonlic night. Maybe it's the music.